Falling in Love

I always expected when I brought Gregory home from the hospital we would immediatly bond and fall in love with eachother. That is how it went with my other 2 children. Something was definitly different with Gregory from the beginning. When I remember back to the day of his birth and the doctor placing him in my arms I remember him whimpering and I tried to comfort him and examine his tiny body. I remember having a hard time seeing his face because he had it turned away from me. I didn't think much of that then but looking back now I understand why. After a few months of caring for him I felt so lost with him. I couldn't understand why we weren't making this connection. I did everything possible and tried so hard. I loved this little person but I felt nothing in return. Our relationship was not give and take. Of course at the beginning infants can't give much but I felt Gregory wanted to be as far away from me as possible unlike my other 2 children who cried when I laid them down. They loved to cuddle into my arms anytime of the day. It was heartbreaking. I loved this baby boy so much but I didn't feel like I was falling in love with him emotionally like I had dreamed. Over the last couple of months things have started to feel different. Some of the intense anxiety and worry of his future are starting to go away and I feel like he is giving more to our relationship. Today I was at work talking with a friend and she asked how Gregory was doing. I started on about his new intervention and then I started telling her about what an amazing little boy he is and how hard he is working and how blessed and proud I am to be his Mom. She said to me that she can tell because she sees it all over my face. The last time I spoke with her I was feeling so hopeless and I cried and cried. Today I still worry about his future but I spend more of my time enjoying him. I love being with him now. In the past I felt scared to be with him because I new something was wrong but I didn't know how to help him. I have loved my baby boy since the minute I new he was growing inside me, but today I am falling in love with the little person he is becoming. He is so special to me and I thank god that I have him in my life.